I woke up very early this morning and that is really not like me at all. My mind was racing and I became sad. I've spent so much time "acting" like I have it together (as much as possible) about Baylee, I realized I really don't! I am sooooo scared. I love her so much already but I don't want her to come. I know that sounds strange but as long as she's with me I can keep her safe and "healthy".
I am so scared that I won't be able to handle all of this. I really thought my mama having breast cancer and seeing that, and then being with her when she died was the hardest thing ever but this FEELS worse.
I'm worried that I won't be able to take care of my boys like I need to. I don't want them to feel neglected or unimportant at all. Tyler is 10 so he understands (as much as he can) but Noah is basically attached to me at the hip. He is truly my little buddy. I don't want him to be scared or upset.
I also worry about Adam. It is very true that men and women deal with things very different. I know he's struggling and I try to be there but it is hard. I don't know how to make it better and boy am I a "fixer".
I just pray that God gives me the strength to get through the next few weeks and afterwards!
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You will find a way, somehow, someway, it will all work. Always sending love and hugs and prayers for you and Baylee!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily,
ReplyDeleteAs Megan said you will find a way. The strength to move forward and conquer this battle will just come to you. CDH families are the strongest people I know, with a great will to overcome.
Our son Jaxson is 21 months now and he survived CDH. When I was pregnant, I had good days and bad. I had moments of fear and moments of strength. When he was born, again we had good days and bad days...CDH is a roller coaster ride if nothing else. But, overall no matter what I was feeling I tried to stay positive and hopeful. It's the one thing you can control!
Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.
Sarah
mom to Jaxson, LCDH born 5-19-08
www.cdhsurvivorjaxson.blogspot.com
I too know how these up and down days go! The CDH family is here for you! My little girl is a RCDH survivor and just had her fourth birthday!
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