I woke up very early this morning and that is really not like me at all. My mind was racing and I became sad. I've spent so much time "acting" like I have it together (as much as possible) about Baylee, I realized I really don't! I am sooooo scared. I love her so much already but I don't want her to come. I know that sounds strange but as long as she's with me I can keep her safe and "healthy".
I am so scared that I won't be able to handle all of this. I really thought my mama having breast cancer and seeing that, and then being with her when she died was the hardest thing ever but this FEELS worse.
I'm worried that I won't be able to take care of my boys like I need to. I don't want them to feel neglected or unimportant at all. Tyler is 10 so he understands (as much as he can) but Noah is basically attached to me at the hip. He is truly my little buddy. I don't want him to be scared or upset.
I also worry about Adam. It is very true that men and women deal with things very different. I know he's struggling and I try to be there but it is hard. I don't know how to make it better and boy am I a "fixer".
I just pray that God gives me the strength to get through the next few weeks and afterwards!